I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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