You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
this hospital has no fireball
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
