mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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