so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
