Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
