This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
