My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
