So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
