Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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