help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
