I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
