i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
