Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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