Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
