There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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