Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
