I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize