did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
