i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
