scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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