Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
