Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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