i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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