yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
