i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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