she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
