Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
