I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drunk is not a location!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize