im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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