another moral hangover. fuck.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize