is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
