i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the liver wants what the liver wants
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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