Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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