PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize