ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
