Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize