when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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