Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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