The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
