shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
