I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
