Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
