ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
