I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
