I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
