I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
