your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
