I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
