I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
