I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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