You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
