Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
