well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
