I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
