How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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