Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
