and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
