I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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