every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
