I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
