i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
