y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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