Soap is not a condiment
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You can't just leave with hair like that
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
