Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
